Welcome to our Satanic Death Cult!

All hail Baphomet, and welcome to our Satanic Death Cult! We are so glad that you have chosen our coven as your conduit to the Dark Lord of Hell. As you begin your journey into murder, orgies, and devil-worship (although here we just call it worship), there are a few simple rules/procedures for you to keep in mind:

  1. It is each worshiper’s responsibility to clean any residual candle wax from the chamber’s floors and candelabras after a ritual human sacrifice. We do this as a courtesy to our wonderful cleaning staff, who have their hands full with ensuring that all blood and entrails are cleaned in a timely manner.

  2. Please remember that the stars used in our rituals consist of only five points, whereas the more common six pointed star belongs to the Jews and, by extension, their Guy. Lucifer is a bit of a stickler regarding this distinction. However, Jewish converts to our Satanic Death Cult are permitted to use a transitory five-and-a-half pointed star for their first month of membership!

  3. Reservations for the Sacrificial Chamber, the Temple of Tears, and the multipurpose room all require two weeks notice. Reservations for the basketball court will require three weeks notice.

  4. Although individuals are legally protected under the HIPAA Privacy Rule (45 CFR Part 160 & 164), it is common courtesy to notify your partner of any communicable diseases prior to entering into a blood oath with them.

  5. Before consuming the heart of a virgin in order to feast upon her soul, please be mindful that while we take every possible precaution during preparation, we cannot guarantee that your virgin did not consume nuts or gluten before they were sacrificed. If you begin to feel ill, please let one of the priestesses know immediately. Jewish converts to our Satanic Death Cult will be provided with a kosher virgin for their first month of membership!

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