Dear OJ: Let’s Sell Out! Love, Your Agent

Dear Juice, Let me be the first the congratulate you on your newfound freedom! I guess it’s true what they say: if it doesn’t fit, you must let Juice out on parole after nine years! But seriously: as your agent, I took the liberty of lining up a few sponsorships to get you a little… Continue reading Dear OJ: Let’s Sell Out! Love, Your Agent

Regarding the Camouflage Onesie Incident

The Rainforest Academy for Affluent Youngsters   Dear Parents: This letter serves as a reminder that the Rainforest Academy for Affluent Youngsters has a strict “no camouflage onesies” policy. This is for the convenience and safety of your child, as they may become easily lost within the labyrinthine jungle-themed decor of the Rainforest Academy for… Continue reading Regarding the Camouflage Onesie Incident

A Very Real Thing That Would Have Killed a Lesser Man

I want to tell you about something that happened to me the other day, a very real thing that would have killed a lesser man. Now, it's a delicate subject to be sure, but I figure if someone out there can learn from my mistake, well then, I'd better let 'em know. And I suppose… Continue reading A Very Real Thing That Would Have Killed a Lesser Man

7 Additional Times That Poor Ann Coulter Was the Victim of a World Gone Mad

The Broken Tostitos Affair. “Hey @Tostitos, you mind telling me why there were FOUR broken chips at the bottom of my bag when I paid for WHOLE chips? Should be deported!” The BLT Incident. “Ordered a BLT and was RUDELY told by an employee that laundromats don’t serve BLT’s! Mind telling me why? Deport yourself!”… Continue reading 7 Additional Times That Poor Ann Coulter Was the Victim of a World Gone Mad